Post by Ahmed on Sept 24, 2019 18:28:04 GMT -5
Hi,
I converted to Islam when I was relatively young. I had a good community at the time and received a lot of support as well as making a fair number of friends. I managed to learn Arabic quickly enough and I went and lived in the Middle East for a few years; I had a comfortable life as a Muslim. Then, a few years ago, I had a really bad experience with some Western Muslims. I found myself in a community with lots of younger Muslims around my age, but they were very passionate about "social justice" which really just meant stoking racial divisions. I frequently found myself being made fun of, being blamed, or being mocked, and I ended up feeling ostracized and isolated. There was a point where I even considered leaving Islam, but I had been Muslim since I was a teenager and it was so much a part of me I couldn't bring myself to give it up. But the fact that this brought me to a place where I was even considering leaving Islam was rattling. It made a huge impact on my life.
I can pass as Middle Eastern. Most people in the Middle East were surprised when they found out I wasn't Arab. So, I decided to change my name after all of this happened. I wasn't in the position at the time to change it legally, but I stopped introducing myself with my Western name and I picked a much more stereo-typically Muslim name. I have been going by that name for two years now and it changed my entire life. Everywhere I go I am accepted without question by Muslims. They treat me as one of their own, never make fun of me, never pick fights with me, and never treat me as an outsider. On the few rare occasions that I reveal that I am a convert and was born with a different name I have noticed that those people act differently towards me and we begin to drift apart.
In short: my life is easier with my Muslim name so I hide the fact that I have any other name at all. I'm planning on legally changing my name but I haven't yet.
Currently I'm starting medical school. There is a ceremony at the beginning of medical school call the "white coat ceremony" in which medical students are given their white coats and welcomed into the field of medicine. It is meant to be celebration and a congratulatory gesture for making it through all the work that it takes to get into medical school to begin with. I don't want to go. I can't imagine walking across a stage in front of every single colleague I have after the dean calls out a name that I don't go by. I don't want to look out over a sea of confused faces wondering why I'm being associated with this name they've never heard of. Every time I end up in a class where they take attendance and then force me to address my name discrepancy, I think "this is among the most painfully awkward things I've lived through." This will be like that, but exponentially worse.
I have family that really wants me to go. I have professors that expect me to be there. Part of me even wants to go. But the fear of that situation keeps me from doing it. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I converted to Islam when I was relatively young. I had a good community at the time and received a lot of support as well as making a fair number of friends. I managed to learn Arabic quickly enough and I went and lived in the Middle East for a few years; I had a comfortable life as a Muslim. Then, a few years ago, I had a really bad experience with some Western Muslims. I found myself in a community with lots of younger Muslims around my age, but they were very passionate about "social justice" which really just meant stoking racial divisions. I frequently found myself being made fun of, being blamed, or being mocked, and I ended up feeling ostracized and isolated. There was a point where I even considered leaving Islam, but I had been Muslim since I was a teenager and it was so much a part of me I couldn't bring myself to give it up. But the fact that this brought me to a place where I was even considering leaving Islam was rattling. It made a huge impact on my life.
I can pass as Middle Eastern. Most people in the Middle East were surprised when they found out I wasn't Arab. So, I decided to change my name after all of this happened. I wasn't in the position at the time to change it legally, but I stopped introducing myself with my Western name and I picked a much more stereo-typically Muslim name. I have been going by that name for two years now and it changed my entire life. Everywhere I go I am accepted without question by Muslims. They treat me as one of their own, never make fun of me, never pick fights with me, and never treat me as an outsider. On the few rare occasions that I reveal that I am a convert and was born with a different name I have noticed that those people act differently towards me and we begin to drift apart.
In short: my life is easier with my Muslim name so I hide the fact that I have any other name at all. I'm planning on legally changing my name but I haven't yet.
Currently I'm starting medical school. There is a ceremony at the beginning of medical school call the "white coat ceremony" in which medical students are given their white coats and welcomed into the field of medicine. It is meant to be celebration and a congratulatory gesture for making it through all the work that it takes to get into medical school to begin with. I don't want to go. I can't imagine walking across a stage in front of every single colleague I have after the dean calls out a name that I don't go by. I don't want to look out over a sea of confused faces wondering why I'm being associated with this name they've never heard of. Every time I end up in a class where they take attendance and then force me to address my name discrepancy, I think "this is among the most painfully awkward things I've lived through." This will be like that, but exponentially worse.
I have family that really wants me to go. I have professors that expect me to be there. Part of me even wants to go. But the fear of that situation keeps me from doing it. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.