Post by niya on May 17, 2018 19:37:36 GMT -5
Assalamu Alaikum and Ramadan Mubarak to you all.
I’m a European girl who lives in the UK and became a Muslim 3.5 years ago Alhamdulillah.
When I just became a Muslim I was finishing high school and had no support from the Muslim community whatsoever. I used to practice Islam in a secret as well. Half a year later I managed to move to the UK for the uni to escape all the abuse I was facing from my family at that time. My experience with the Muslim community started off by me facing all sorts of sects in Islam with other Muslims pushing their beliefs on me. I felt that by knowing that I’m a European and therefore a revert these people assumed I knew nothing about the religion and they had the full right to ‘convert’ me to their sect by saying that I’ll burn in hell unless I’m following their methodology.
I must admit that I did use to follow a sect as the first Muslims I’ve met called themselves salafi. In case there any salafis here the least thing I want to do is argue with you.
However, while trying to follow this methodology I constantly felt there’s something wrong with it. I really felt that the people who I was in touch with would pinpoint every move I made and according to them everything was haram. It felt like loosing myself, my own identity. If I’d go to their mosques I’d have to wear all black and if I wanted to be seen as a ‘pious sister’ I’d have to cover my face as well. At some point the religion felt like a burden and I realized if I was going to continue like that I’d have to leave Islam as I couldn’t help feeling so miserable being a Muslim anymore. After everything I’ve seen and experienced I decided not to follow any sect and just be a Muslim who tries to do her best to practice the religion.
One of the other issues I faced with the Muslim community was the complete ignorance of the mental health problems as such. Due to me being abused by my family and mistreated by some Muslims and being on my own for a long time without any opportunity to talk to somebody about it I developed a severe depression. I’ve also have been suffering from eating disorders for years now. The topic of mental health is usually not discussed by the Muslims at all and when I tried to open up to them about my problems they’d only tell me that I’m probably possessed and would leave me as they couldn’t be bothered. I found more understanding people with who I could talk to about my metal health and I was starting to get better and currently on my way to the full recovery Alhamdulillah. But most of these people who supported me were not Muslims or not practicing Muslims.
I also felt like my own European culture was often disregarded by the Muslim community as well. Whenever I’d go to a masjid it’d usually ‘belong’ to a specific community like Asians, Arab or Somali. People would speak their own language in my presence there and it also kinda felt they expected me to act according to their cultural norms as well.
Whenever I go to mosques or just to the corner shops I’m usually bluntly asked by other Muslims ‘Are you married?’. Such bluntness and the whole attitude of the communities towards the marriage as such confuses me a lot. I grew up with an idea that marriage should be about two people who love each other and want to make a commitment to stay together for the rest of their lives. The random Muslim men mainly in their 30s or 40s who approach me on the streets or shops and ask me for marriage disgust me a lot. Most of them wouldn’t even look at a born Muslim girl but when they see a revert woman they feel that ‘she must need some help with learning more about islam’ and that they can take advantage of it. When other Muslim women ask me who I want to get married to and I say to I’d prefer to marry a European revert they just stare at me like if I just murdered somebody. Than they start preaching me that it is almost impossible to find a guy who converted to Islam and that I’ll be single forever. Not that it concerns me much, but I know myself and my own preferences. I feel that I want somebody who would understand my journey and my culture. Who wouldn’t judge me according to his own cultural standards and have in laws who would expect me to behave like a girl from ‘back home’.
I’m ok with my own culture and I don’t want to change it. In the same time I’m struggling to find my own place in the Muslim community. I’m struggling with finding good Muslim friends and finding a partner as well. Just need your advice on how to stay a practicing Muslim but finding peace and my own place in the Muslim community.
Thank you for reading!
I’m a European girl who lives in the UK and became a Muslim 3.5 years ago Alhamdulillah.
When I just became a Muslim I was finishing high school and had no support from the Muslim community whatsoever. I used to practice Islam in a secret as well. Half a year later I managed to move to the UK for the uni to escape all the abuse I was facing from my family at that time. My experience with the Muslim community started off by me facing all sorts of sects in Islam with other Muslims pushing their beliefs on me. I felt that by knowing that I’m a European and therefore a revert these people assumed I knew nothing about the religion and they had the full right to ‘convert’ me to their sect by saying that I’ll burn in hell unless I’m following their methodology.
I must admit that I did use to follow a sect as the first Muslims I’ve met called themselves salafi. In case there any salafis here the least thing I want to do is argue with you.
However, while trying to follow this methodology I constantly felt there’s something wrong with it. I really felt that the people who I was in touch with would pinpoint every move I made and according to them everything was haram. It felt like loosing myself, my own identity. If I’d go to their mosques I’d have to wear all black and if I wanted to be seen as a ‘pious sister’ I’d have to cover my face as well. At some point the religion felt like a burden and I realized if I was going to continue like that I’d have to leave Islam as I couldn’t help feeling so miserable being a Muslim anymore. After everything I’ve seen and experienced I decided not to follow any sect and just be a Muslim who tries to do her best to practice the religion.
One of the other issues I faced with the Muslim community was the complete ignorance of the mental health problems as such. Due to me being abused by my family and mistreated by some Muslims and being on my own for a long time without any opportunity to talk to somebody about it I developed a severe depression. I’ve also have been suffering from eating disorders for years now. The topic of mental health is usually not discussed by the Muslims at all and when I tried to open up to them about my problems they’d only tell me that I’m probably possessed and would leave me as they couldn’t be bothered. I found more understanding people with who I could talk to about my metal health and I was starting to get better and currently on my way to the full recovery Alhamdulillah. But most of these people who supported me were not Muslims or not practicing Muslims.
I also felt like my own European culture was often disregarded by the Muslim community as well. Whenever I’d go to a masjid it’d usually ‘belong’ to a specific community like Asians, Arab or Somali. People would speak their own language in my presence there and it also kinda felt they expected me to act according to their cultural norms as well.
Whenever I go to mosques or just to the corner shops I’m usually bluntly asked by other Muslims ‘Are you married?’. Such bluntness and the whole attitude of the communities towards the marriage as such confuses me a lot. I grew up with an idea that marriage should be about two people who love each other and want to make a commitment to stay together for the rest of their lives. The random Muslim men mainly in their 30s or 40s who approach me on the streets or shops and ask me for marriage disgust me a lot. Most of them wouldn’t even look at a born Muslim girl but when they see a revert woman they feel that ‘she must need some help with learning more about islam’ and that they can take advantage of it. When other Muslim women ask me who I want to get married to and I say to I’d prefer to marry a European revert they just stare at me like if I just murdered somebody. Than they start preaching me that it is almost impossible to find a guy who converted to Islam and that I’ll be single forever. Not that it concerns me much, but I know myself and my own preferences. I feel that I want somebody who would understand my journey and my culture. Who wouldn’t judge me according to his own cultural standards and have in laws who would expect me to behave like a girl from ‘back home’.
I’m ok with my own culture and I don’t want to change it. In the same time I’m struggling to find my own place in the Muslim community. I’m struggling with finding good Muslim friends and finding a partner as well. Just need your advice on how to stay a practicing Muslim but finding peace and my own place in the Muslim community.
Thank you for reading!